|On the Path While on the Path What We Have is Just Right for Us|
What We Have is Just Right for Us
brother-initiate Wessel, Cape Town, South Africa
We, (but maybe I should say me) don't always appreciate how blessed we are with what we have. That which we have is just right for us. Not too much, not too little, just right. No extremes. Also, we forget that we are given the strength to cope with our problems. We grumble, are dissatisfied, feel "done in," cheated. In other words, we feel very sorry for ourselves. I am, or rather was, like that until recently when I had to relearn that I am very blessed indeed.
I have a son Rikki, an adult, who has a truly golden heart. He is not "normal" in the sense that he suffers from schizophrenia, a degree of autism, attention disorder syndrome, better known as dyslexia, and has a tendency to be epileptic. We, the specialists and I, still don't know the total problem. The doctors at the Mental Hospital regard Rikki as being extremely complex, complicated and difficult to fathom.
He has an IQ bordering on "imbecility". He has the innocence and intelligence of a child. He finds it impossible to concentrate on anything. His mind continually wanders. At night he hardly sleeps. Watching TV and stress exacerbates his condition. In short, economically speaking, he is worth zero.
It is not that we discovered his problems recently. Oh no, we knew something was wrong with our son when he was several weeks old. My wife just left the problem for me to solve. Years of searching for answers to his problems has only enriched doctors.
I have rebelled, cursed, and behaved in ways that reflect my frustration, anger and bitterness. Count on it. I have done it all. But never mind, I still had everything that mattered to me: Status, power, money, property, a career, a car and of course that all important ego.
That was several years ago. Since then, I have had to make a 180 degree turn around. All was taken away from me, even that all important "human right". They, the judges, attorneys and advocates raped me to the extreme. I went through the mangle and came out a bitter, heartbroken, poor and jobless man. Both of those all so important and vital qualities, PRIDE and EGO, were truly mauled to a million pieces.
At about the same time, my daughter left the house. The roles of my wife and I were reversed. She is now the bread-winner, she controls the purse strings, she is the "boss"! I am just nothing.
At the time though, I was full of hatred, a hate that cannot be explained in words. I even had the intention to commit suicide in front of the judge's house. No one knew of my carefully worked out plans. In order not to alert anyone, I regularly went for treatment at the Mental Health Society and took anti-depression pills and drugs. I kept my plans to myself. Though I knew that everything in life happens for a reason, I could not possibly imagine that anything would make all this suffering worth it. Yet, little did I know then that I would become a most blessed person.
The time to execute my plan neared slowly, day by day. It so happened that some days before "D-day," I found myself at a hardware store where I usually never go. When I was at the till to pay, I noticed a little green booklet and two of the most beautiful and loving eyes looking at me. There was a notice of some sort which said that someone would be available to answer questions, a date and also a telephone number. I asked the lady whether I could have a booklet and she said, "Yes of course, help yourself."
Once home I immediately started reading it. I liked what I read. It all made sense to me. The booklet emitted a warm feeling of love and compassion.
I phoned the lady at the shop asking her to give me the address and telephone number that was on the notice by the till. Imagine my disbelief when she said that she didn't know what I was talking about. There were no booklets there! Neither was there a notice of any sort! What is more, I never asked her whether I could take a booklet! Oh yes, she remembered me. How could she forget me? I have a distinct accent and told her a joke. For the rest — no, sorry, I must have been dreaming. The booklet? Well maybe I picked it up somewhere else. So she could not help. She suggested that maybe I look in the booklet itself. I did and found some telephone numbers at the back.
My life has never been the same since. I felt as if a heavy mantle had been removed from my exhausted shoulders, like a burden had been taken away from me. I waited and waited for initiation and became impatient. I faxed an emotional letter to Master begging her to have me, telling her that I knew that She has the Power to accept me wherever She might be. However, I just had to wait.
Meanwhile slowly and silently my life changed. The apparent eternal waiting was worthwhile. However, this of course, one only learns with hindsight!
Although I have not had to pay taxes for several years, I received an unexpected check from the Receiver of Revenue because years before I had overpaid. Soon after this, a notice arrived at the Centre to announce the dates for a four-day retreat at Miaoli. Master also let it be known that non-initiates were welcome to come. They would receive initiation prior to the commencement of the retreat.
What a better way to spend that little money I had? My wife could not possibly understand it, but did not stop me. I went to Miaoli and was initiated.
I was in heaven and it would not surprise anyone to learn that most of us feel that way when we are physically close to our beloved Master. I was blessed every day by Master. Not a day went by without Master saying a few words to me or laying her hand on my tired shoulders. She knows what we need.
One evening Master recited the Holy Names with us. Explaining in words the emotional upliftment I felt is impossible. I still do not know whether I cried, sobbed or what. I seem to have been filled with love, compassion, understanding and all sorts of emotions that are indescribable!
I am very blessed to have a loving, and above all, very patient Master who, in spite of my stubbornness, sometimes lack of faith and trust, still believes in me and is still lovingly willing to assist, comfort, encourage, and guide me on my journey Home. Master still makes it possible for me to learn vital lessons without too much suffering. She even gave me the opportunity to realize that I am blessed with my son and that there are fathers and mothers that are worse off.
And so, I come back to my starting phrase: We, (but maybe I should say me) don't always appreciate how blessed we are with what we have. That which we have is just right for us. Not too much, not too little, just right. No extremes. If only we could let go of our egos. But as you know, it is difficult. We just lack faith and trust. We still suffer from the mistaken belief that we know what should be done and how it should be done. After all, it is our problem. Well then we should keep it and not give it to Master!
We display more faith in the dentist than in Master. When the dentist says, "Open your mouth, stay still," we do just that. He could hurt us very badly, but we trust him. It is taken for granted that once we have gone through the pain, we will be better.
Master doesn't even ask us to suffer the pain. She takes it from us and in return just asks us to do what we should: Love one another and help Her to take us back Home, where we belong.
Thank You, Master, for making me go through all this.
on the Path